Potlatch, the convention, is coming March 5-7, 2010 to Seattle, WA.
Potlatch, an all-volunteer, non-profit, literary event for the readers and writers of speculative fiction. Proceeds from Potlatch benefit Clarion West. And this year, I will be acting as the workshop administrator for the Friday writing workshop–open to all speculative fiction writers, regardless of experience, who want to get critiques in a round-robin Clarion West style.
I’ve had the same, basic conversation multiple times lately, all prompted by longing glances at friend’s and co-worker’s new iPhone.
Here’s an approximation of how they went:
“Are you going to get one?” they asked, looking up at me briefly, before hunching back over the glossy, sexy little thing and poking their fingers to launch some new app.
I decidedly shook my head no. “I’m waiting for a good competitor,” I said, politely.
They smiled at that. “You should get one.”
“Nah,” I replied.
“They’re so great,” they said.
This exchange went on in almost every instance until I would realize I had to reveal my dirty secret, else we’d be stuck in this loop forever. I never wanted to say this out loud, for lots of reasons–that it makes me an anomaly among my arty-minded pals and colleagues and that I can’t ever just leave it at the reveal, but am instead compelled to launch into a five minute rant that always leaves ‘em glassy-eyed.
“I don’t really like Macs,” I’d say. Then, like a car backing over a neighborhood puppy, I bowled over their look of shock, and started in.
It wasn’t usually this erudite or organized, but if it had been, this is how it would have sounded:
I don’t really like Macs. I do, however, love my Mac-using friends.
Airbooks are beautiful. I have a Shuffle my pop bought me as a gift. I drool over the iPhones. But I won’t buy one.
I won’t buy a Mac product again. I was suckered in early on by the first generation iPods, and that experience alone soured me entirely on the brand–and then all their subsequent advertising and marketing moments have done nothing but cement the fact that I don’t want one.
1. It’s a waste. IMHO, there is little-to-nothing green about creating hardware that relatively savvy consumers are trapped by. The best way to void your Mac warranty is to crack it open to change the battery, much less install new memory or increase its speed. Even a geek lite should be insulted.
2. Six months after you buy a Mac, your chances that your model is no longer being supported is at least 50%.
3. It’s often, at the point in which your Mac device starts acting wonky, cheaper for you to just buy a whole new device rather than repair or upgrade your current hardware, which is still wicked expensive. With non-Mac products, I could, hypothetically, upgrade my memory, processor, battery, and whatnot for peanuts.
4. You have to make a freaking appointment with a Mac “genius” at a local shop in order to get straight answers about a product, which usually include the words, “You could just buy the new generation of ___ Mac.” Thank you, genius.
5. Macs look nice. So? Two weeks of being lugged around in my bag, getting used, would make *any* pretty baby look rode hard and put away wet.
6. The marketing ploy that you only have two choices: a PC or a Mac, and PCs are for tight-assed corporate types, while Macs are for smart, cool, young, lefty, hipsters. I’m neither of those things, and don’t really care, anyway, what advertising tells me I should own based on my level of awesomeness. My favorite machine is a web book that runs Ubuntu Linux, Open Office, GIMPs, and all open source software.
7. Irritation over the myth that Macs are better for producing art/they have better graphics programs/etc. OK, maybe 15 years ago. But really now, all those programs have versions supported by most OS’s, including Linux (to which I am partial. In fact, there are plenty of really decent open source/shareware graphics programs out there these days)
8. Lord AT&T and his reign of terror over iPhoneland. Enough said.
9. Too bad, of all the apps iPhone users can download, they can’t get one that makes the phone part work correctly, well, or consistently.
10. iTunes. That horrible DRM-containing, proprietary file format the songs come in. The fact that you almost have to sacrifice your firstborn, even now, to transfer your library from one iPod to another.
11. Yeah, OK, PCs are vulnerable to viral attacks. Get antiviral software. There’s even good, freeware/shareware ones out there. Plus, it’s just overblown–I’ve used Windows based PCs at work, in huge corporate networks, for years, and I have not once had a virus attack. Then again, I don’t open questionable files, surf blindly, or click pop-ups.
So, there. I’m out now, publically. And until the day that a clone appears, suitably priced and with carrier choices, I will tap out my sad texts on my so 3 years ago Razr keypad, have to use an actual laser level to hang shelves, and jot down where we parked on my hand.
And, of course, look with longing at your iPhone.
1. I had a good writing week last week. Not because I actually got anything done, but because Abyss & Apex grabbed my first post-CW story, “Section III” for their 4th quarter issue. There was a jubilant underwear dance attached to that.
2. Secondly, people have been so freaking generous advertising Brain Harvest‘s fundraising drive. We owe a giant debt of gratitude to Tor.com and Io9, among many others, for helping us get the word out.
3. Still looking for honest day labor. Last year, I wrote a post that, at the time, felt completely accurate about the multitude of ways one could cobble together a bad-but-decent living while writing. I’m not sure it still is, or when it will be again. Both Chris and I have had a really hard time finding long term or full time work. I have an informational interview soon, though, with a great local company, so I am hoping that may sometime turn into something.
4. Piggybacking on #4, I’ve decided I need a skill. An actual skill. One that is transferrable, in demand, that sort of thing. So, WA state is still offering worker retraining and I am going to take advantage of it while I can. Starting this summer, I am going to take a weekend program for the quarter so I can get a phlebotomy certificate. I thought long and hard about doing programming instead, or possibly paralegal studies, but decided on entry level healthcare–and I’d much rather poke veins and deal with lab samples than anything else right now (it feels like science!). I’ve been seeing long, sobby posts online from phlebotomists who haven’t been able to find work either, but I’m going to try and do some additional work to make myself extra-hirable–start volunteering at the blood bank asap, get as many certifications from the Red Cross as are appropriate, and whatnot. Maybe between writing, contracts, and phlebotomy, I can, oh, pay some bills–maybe even have some fun (holy crap!).
5. Tomorrow is my husband’s birthday, so I am taking him to see Star Trek. I am both very excited to see this, and completely dreading it. The trailers make it seem like a WB show in space. But, dude, it’s Star Trek. At one point, I would say, dude, it’s JJ Abrams…still a giganormous Lost fan, but now, you know, Fringe (*sigh*).
Anyway, I made Chris some presents and got him a small bottle of that man-cologne he loves so well. I may try and do up an ice cream cake, too. I hope he likes it. He deserves like, oh, a hundred treats.
BONUS: A huge yipee for Mary Rosenblum for being nominated for a Sidewise Award (for great works of alternate history), BTW.
If a = flea infestation
b = walking
c = writing 5000 words on my newest story
d = watching low brow comedies while knitting a hat
e = positive attitude
f = exhaustion
then
- e [(a + b + c) + (- a - c) + 10000000b + d] / f
= my week
I’m a big old sack of angst lately. That’s my only excuse for remissive blog posting. There’s plenty of awesomeness going on, however, so I am going to force myself to type words about that:
1. I had a story accepted at M-BRANE SF for issue 5. I am really excited about that. It’s the second story I wrote at Clarion West to find a home—this one is the one I wrote for Cory Doctorow’s week, and it is appropriately geeky. Plus, I think Chris, the editor of M-BRANE, has been doing a great job with other stories, and I’m proud to be in the roster now.
2. I found out I am entirely susceptive to self-coercion. I handed my keys to my husband and told him not to let me back in the house until I wrote 1000 words. I sat at my new favorite coffee shop and wrote 1004 words, some of which don’t suck too badly.
3. Brain Harvest is going really well. We’ve been publishing some great stuff, and this week’s selection is from one of my favorites (in person and on paper), Cat Rambo. I’m also thrilled that we’ve been doing a lot of buying out of the slushpile as well, including an excellent one slated for next month sometime by yet another CW alum and crit group colleague, Derek Zumsteg.
4. Also, check out my first book review for Brain Harvest, on Eraserhead Press’ first foray into Bizarro children’s lit.
5. Sunday, bunches of the cast of ST: TNG are guest starring on Family Guy. I have never been so excited for a Family Guy, and I really love Family Guy.
6. The Seattle Public Library used book sale is April 18 and 19 at Magnuson Park. I love the book sale, and this is the first year I have managed to write down the dates so it doesn’t sneak up on me, as it usually does.
7. I have a presentation and reading this Friday evening, the 27th, at Hugo House as part of my graduation ceremony from the first ever Artist Trust EDGE Professional Development Program for Writers. It’s 7 – 9:30 p.m.at Hugo House, 1634 11th Avenue, Seattle, WA 98122
8. Nancy Kress is also reading at Hugo House as part of the Fantastic Fiction Salons. Monday the 30th, 7pm, 5 bucks. I am really thrilled. I love Nancy Kress, for many reasons—including that I believe she is one of the few non-Rom to use Rom characters in her stories and get it right. I hope I get to babble all verklempt and fangirl-y at her afterward.
So, here we go. This is the project I have been muttering about under my breath and bouncing in my chair over:
On March 1, 2009, Brain Harvest: An Almanac of Bad-Ass Speculative Fiction will begin its intrepid voyage, bringing you the best speculative short fiction we can find.
Brain Harvest will publish on the web and on your mobile device. We’ve noticed that a lot of reading is happening in non-traditional ways (hey, we see you, over there, glued to your iPhone or Blackberry. If you’ve got ten minutes, we’ve got the best SFF you can hold in your hand).
We pay “pro-rates” (5 cents a word) for stories 100 – 750 words.
We will be opening for general submissions on February 15, 2009. Please do not submit before then–we’ll delete everything dated before then.
Go to http://www.brainharvestmag.com/submit for full guidelines.
We are also offering a low-cost, high-awesome crit service, Fresh eyes, starting now. Depending on your needs and budget, you can rent up to four pairs of fresh eyes who will read your fiction and provide a one-page written critique in a timely fashion.
Find out more about Fresh eyes at http://www.brainharvestmag.com/fresh-eyes.
Let’s talk about WALL-e for a few minutes here. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a movie that I would want to spend more than a few seconds here and there talking about.* But WALL-e. Oh, WALL-e.
I missed seeing it in the theatre, because it was released during Clarion West, and I just couldn’t find 2 hours anywhere. But bless Netflix.
As you can tell, I loved it—for a few good reasons. One, using Hello, Dolly as a parallel story was a bit of genius (although I would have killed to have them re-enact the dance scene as an end bit). Two, those animated robots were some of the most convincing and emotional resonant actors I’ve seen on the screen (and I believe they only said 2 actual words—“Wally,” “Eva,” and “directive”). Three, the worlds! Oh, the worlds! For a girl who has a real problem completely neglecting setting in her own stories, I am a sucker for an environment as character. And this is proof positive that Miyazaki has bled over from the geeks into the mainstream. Fourthly,** anyone or anything that can convince me, after a modest childhood in New York, that cockroaches are adorable deserves a prize.
And fifthly,*** the science was so.almost.correct. I was flabbergasted and impressed at the attempt. Now sure, they forgot that space is FREEZING and a VACCUUM, and would kill that wee plant even if it was exposed for a millisecond, that WALL-e himself would suffer some, uh, effects at being out in space, and that, you know, at the end, he wouldn’t just “remember” everything that wasn’t stored on his hard drive…but the huge people with bone loss made me giggle out loud with pleasure.****
There’s been a lot out lately about so-called optimistic SF—there’s a Twitter zine and an anthology call—and I haven’t entirely been 100% on what optimistic SF would look like.
Now I think I know. Although it’s still probably not my thing. I think I get it.
* Like, The Dark Knight. My big response? The scene where the Joker, in nurse drag, shambles away from the exploding hospital was fucking awesome. Or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: WTF up, alienz? Etc.
** Fourthly?
*** Oh, hell.
**** As did the very idea of a cupcake…in a cup.
Of all the writing reference books I’ve ever owned, by and far the most awesomely useful one is one that I almost never see mentioned by other writers: The Random House Word Menu. Old versions are out of print, but available at used book stores, or you can do as I did and find one on eBay for a dollar. BEST dollar I’ve ever spent. You can find it on Amazon or from the publisher.
Now, I am pro all reference books. I love them. I have been known known to read reference books for a good time. But the Word Menu has consistently been my go-to books since the day it landed in my hot little hands.
What rules about the Word Menu is that it is exactly what it says: a menu of words, organized by topic and subtopic. Writing about a building and can’t remember what the narrow word strip that covers the seam between boards? Look up building and machine parts under structural components in the technology category, then scan the list (it’s “batten,” BTW). Or writing something about photography and need a list of several different kinds of photography? Look under applied arts, photography, then types of photography—and viola, find a list of different kinds of photography (aerial, animation, black and white, cinematography, daguerreotype, etc). Listd of types of cooking oils, wind instruments, verbs of sight, shapes, types of disasters, hair styles, diseases, railroad argot, architectural facades, tailoring details…have I tempted you, yet?
What’s the reference book you can’t imagine life without?
When I was a child, my dad was a Star Trek guy (I’ve referred to this before. He loves the original series and shakes his head in disgust at my preference to The Next Generation). Anyway, I have lots of happy memories attached to Star Trek and all the movies from the original series, and some of those more vivid memories are from Wrath of Khan. Adios, Khan.
I finished a draft of my academic-vampire story starring Nikola Tesla. It’s very uneven, even for a first draft, and as yet, untitled. I swear, I think I have to start with a title and then write from there, rather than try and pull a title from a draft. If I don’t start with one, I never find one I am happy with.
Eileen Gunn will be teaching and reading verrrrrry soon. I can’t afford to take her class, but I will definitely attend the reading. Here are the details from Leslie and NWMediaArts:
Eileen Gunn Workshop for Writers – Wit and tragedy: writing the savagely funny story
Sunday, January 25, 2009 10:00 a.m. — 4:30 p.m. at Richard Hugo House Cabaret
1634 11th Avenue Seattle, WA
See nwmediaarts.com for registration information or call Richard Hugo House at (206) 322-7030
Eileen Gunn Reading and Signing
Monday, January 26, 2009 at 7:00 p.m. at Richard Hugo House Cabaret
1634 11th Avenue Seattle, WA
$5 Donation
I finally hammered out my resolutions for 2009, which, although it is merely 14 days old, is not sucking nearly as much as 2008 (it is my year, I guess–the year of the ox). Anyway, here are my lofty resolutions:
Write something.
Write something that doesn’t suck.
Write maybe another thing that doesn’t suck.
Write 50 things that do suck, but whatever.
Limit my “I suck sooooo bad” thoughts to less than 25x/day
Submit the things that don’t suck and keep them in rotation until I conquer the world (or get at least a few more semi and pro pubs)
Spend more time on writing, being social, and meeting people and less time watching “Rock of Love Tour Bus”
Finish secret project which I will announce here when it is no longer secret (mysterious!)
Eat more fruits and vegetables
I’ve looked and studied all the information for the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk. As much as I’d like to do it—I think I could commit the time and energy—I think the huge financial commitment it requires comes at a bad time for me. Plus, every time I mention it to anyone and ask if they’d do it with me, they politely say no. So, I am hanging that idea up for “some other” year.
Also, Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the greatest cereal ever made.
1. We’ve had a hummingbird feeder up on our deck for months. Chris finally had me convinced that we’d never actually get any hummingbirds considering where we live, and so far, we hadn’t. I’ve been meaning to take it down for the past month or so, but am too lazy/busy/keep forgetting. Today, I was smoking a cigarette on the porch, freezing my ass off (it’s about 20 degrees out) and what comes buzzing over and sets itself down on the feeder? A hummingbird. Amazing! But it broke my heart because I’m pretty sure that the hummingbird nectar inside is frozen solid. It buzzed away pretty quickly. I yelled after it for it to come back, that’d I’m warm up the nectar for it, but I don’t think it heard me.*
2. Dear “Heroes,”
Now that the plot point about the formula is more or less done with as far as you are concerned, I have only one thing to say: really? No one ever thought to, you know, make a Xerox copy of the formula? Or memorize it? Yeah, it looked “complicated,” but aside from the fact that I’m sure someone could have a photographic memory superpower, there are regular folks who do. In fact, there are folks without photographic memories that memorize pi out to like a thousand decimal places just for the hell of it. So, really? Really?
And thanks to comments I’ve gotten on recent posts, I know I’m not alone. Shape up, plz.
Annoyingly yours,
Caren
3. My good pal Carlton Mellick III has one of his stories** in Vice magazine this issue. Vice has not only made the story available for preview, you can also hear it read by none other than Madelyn Burgess, who is apparently the nice lady whose voice you hear over the PA at Whole Foods. Freaking perfect.
4. My last post about why and how Angel gnaws at me (while I am simultaneously now addicted) had spurned a wide discussion among my friends, made me some new friends, and stirred up debate here at the homestead. The end result is interesting. One, I think I have finally figured out what my subgenre is within SFF. I’m not fantasy. I’m not soft SF. I’m not slipstream. I am science fantasy***, for which I swipe a quote from Rod Serling: “Science fiction makes the implausible possible, while science fantasy makes the impossible plausible.” Sounds about accurate.
The other result is that I am apparently writing a vampire story myself, trying to use possible science to explain vampires and all those mythos (without resorting to the Erythropoietic porphyria hypothesis, which remains, still pretty interesting). But no, I’m going a different way–leaning heavily on the pivotal word possible in possible science—it’s going to be hella speculative. But there shall be rules and logic, one freaking way or another.
5. It’s very interesting, now having 2 days jobs in which I work for myself and do not seem to get paid (heh). I’m working harder than ever, 16, 18 hour days fueled only by faith and a sense of complete and utter desperation.
Status on job one: every finished story I have is out making the round somewhere or another and I have not heard news.
Status on job two: 4Emphasis has its first client, and we are 75% complete on her project (yay!). I have become some sort of half crazed marketing cougar, cruising the internet looking for places to advertise or trade links or find work. So far, that’s like 12 hours work for less than a 1% return. But I am learning a LOT about marketing and SEO and crosslinking and how much freaking noisy garbage there is all over the web. To change that, I’ve decided that our front page will always contain some useful content for folks, even if they don’t hire us. If they make the trip over to our site, I will at least offer us some value.
*UPDATE: OMG he came back! He drank the new nectar. WTF are hummingbirds doing, though, flying around Seattle in December?
**I am especially please to say that not only do I freaking love the story they chose, but that it was one of Carlton’s Clarion West stories that I’ve seen from draft to completeness. It created a cultural mini-revolution in the CW dorm—read it and see if you can stop saying “lay-daaaaays” now.
***What’s fallen arbitrarily, as all these subgenre genre categories are as arbitrary as things can get, into science fantasy includes some big old shoes to fill. We’ll see how that goes. If nothing else, at least I have some answer for when I am at a con or CW party and someone asks, “So, what kind of SFF do you write?”