Caren Gussoff writer. geek. bon vivant. dot com

I’m officially FUCT (like it? I just thought of it)–a freelance, urban, cat-owning thirty-something.*

That prejudice is alive and well in America.

I’m a big girl. I am. I know I am. No one actually knows it more than I do. But there are reasons for my size, some of which I can’t help (thx, genetics!). I’ve been thinner, never thin—and to maintain chunky-thin nearly killed me. Twice. The first time, I was a barfer. I wouldn’t say I had true bulimia, because I didn’t binge-eat and my disordered eating was forced—but I would throw up, faithfully, every time I ate anything that had more than 200 calories in it. The second time I was thin was because I simply, for all intents and purposes, stopped eating entirely. A whole days’ worth of food during those times was a plain, whole wheat bagel + one glass of orange juice + 25 to 40 baby carrots. That’s it. Not per meal. Per day.

In both those cases, I managed to whittle myself down to 160 pounds.  Not the 90 pounds or 110 pounds one would expect, but 160 pounds, which is still, according to BMI charts, considered overweight for my frame. Now I sure LOOKED thin, drawn even, and a bit scary. I got cavities and I collapsed on more than one occasion.

So. I got better. Which means, for me, weighing considerably more than 160 pounds. I’m big. I don’t need a seatbelt extender. I don’t take up more than one seat on anything, except, maybe a kiddie ride. But, I am a woman of size.

Now, I would never argue that I am at my optimal health right now. There’s a few things I slack on and a few things I could and should do differently. But, overall, I walk everywhere (we don’t have a car right now), I eat lots of vegetables and fruits and whole grains. My blood pressure is awesome. I have low cholesterol. Aside from the shit that is wrong with me—which, incidentally, has nothing to do with weight—I’m a healthy bitch.

But today, today I was informed that I was un-hirable because I was “too unhealthy to look at” and that my “energy level was one of someone half dead.” I was denied a job, essentially, not because of my qualifications (I was, in fact, very qualified) or my personality wasn’t a good fit—no, because I am too fat and therefore, unhealthy. The low energy thing—the only thing I can figure is that it stems from her prejudice about my size. I’m pretty bouncy when I want to be–however, at a job interview at 3pm, that seemed to call for mellow. Apparently, too mellow. So mellow my chins melted into my chest.

This job did not—be aware—have any physical requirements…I mean, it wasn’t for the fire department or the military or something else where having some boom-boom would be an issue. No. This job was to be someone’s personal assistant—a woman who makes her living as a life coach.

Yeah, I’m serious. I may be a fiction writer, but I can’t make this shit up.

I felt bad. I felt really, really bad. Now, I’m angry. I’m mostly angry at myself for allowing this woman to make me feel bad, for allowing me to waste my time (she let me go through the whole hour long in-person interview before bringing this up), and angry that there was nothing I could do or say to change the fact that I was, indeed, just denied a job (albeit one that now I OBVIOUSLY WOULD NEVER, EVER WANT) for that reason*.  What I was most angry about, though, was my own shock at the whole thing.  I mean, the Southwest Airlines/Kevin Smith debacle and the other ten bazillion similar humiliatingly horrible things, as well as colonialism, racism, slavery and other countless injustices** that happen and have happened to people should have kept forefront in my mind that we possess the ability to be astoundingly cruel to one another, and most especially when we are feeling the most vulnerable.

Should she have lied to me? Hell no. But she could have exercised taste and restraint, thanked me very much for my time, and then jotted down in her NO HIRE book “Fatty fat pants!” and never called me back. That’s not a lie. It’s polite. It’s conscientious. It costs nothing and life is hard enough already. And this is, let me reiterate, a woman who wants to coach people. To be their best (cue laugh track/sad trombone).

Why am I telling you this? A few reasons. One, I have to own this. If I don’t, it’s going to eat me up inside and I have a book I’m trying to finish.  I already cried about it like a 14 year old home from a bad day in middle school. Two, to remind all the other FATTY FAT PANTS –as well as my gay, transgender friends and friends of color—that this shit is not over. It still happens. And when it happens to you, you are not alone (what happened to me today pales in comparison, isn’t even the same stadium playing the same sport, to what many of you go through, and for that I am grateful). Three, to consciously remind myself of this lesson, how delicate anyone can be–to be kind to people, to give them a chance when I could otherwise be dismissive, when I may be unthinkingly heartless and cold in my responses, to stop and remember that we are all trying to live a good life.

Here’s to the good life, friends.

*I do not need to work for a crazy, demented boss again. Been there, done that.

**Winking at you, state of Arizona.

Now that the glow of the holidays is starting to blow away like so much marine fog, and the tins and tins of holiday cookies are making me fatter and malnourished, it’s time to start cooking again.

My last post on this topic urged y’all to learn to or start cooking yourself. But I realized that I’ve left out one of my most treasured and hard-won-through-mass-experimentation (trying to figure out what to cook for a vegan) cooking tip: how to use the cans of stuff I know you have in your pantry.

For some reason or another, just about everyone winds up with some combination of the following cans, stuck in the back of their kitchen cabinets: green beans, peas, beets, tomatoes, asparagus, beans (usually red kidney, although sometimes black), and pumpkin. I bet you do too. Right? The stuff no one eats because it’s all mushy, bland, or leftover from more exciting things (like pie).

So, here’s what you do. Make soup. Get down your trusty blender and whip some of these cans of stuff that no one eats but everyone has into a flavorful (and somewhat creamy feeling base) for soup.  It’s great for vegans who miss the thickness of a chowder, really good for “hiding” veggies for veggie-haters (whoever they are), and a really nice way to throw together a delicious, fresh soup on the fly for cheap (or free, really).

Trust me.

Take the can of peas, asparagus, and green beans, drain the liquid, dump them all into a blender and whip until you have a smooth, turtle green slop. Put in a pot; add onions, garlic, other veggies, salt, and pepper. Thin it down with broth, bouillon cubes, water, milk, or soy milk.

Take the canned pumpkin and whip it with some drained kidney or black beans and some canned tomatoes. Again, add onions, garlic, salt, and pepper, then thin down (tastes awe-some, even if you don’t love pumpkin. I have served this to many guests, with fresh veggies tossed in).

Beets + tomatoes. Peas + beans. Green beans + pumpkin. Asparagus all by itself. You’re really only limited by whatever you have gathering dust in your cabinets.

On a similar note, I use the same process with random cans of fruit (especially fruit cocktail). I blend the crap out of it, then use it instead of applesauce or pears in quick breads (I use the pear bread recipe from the Joy of Cooking). That makes a really nice, light fruity bread that’s kind of dreamy for breakfast.

Enjoy.

The Speculative Literature Foundation has the 2009 Gulliver Grant press release up:

http://www.speculativeliterature.org/Grants/SLFTravelGrant/TravelGrant2009.php

I’m really excited and very honored. Looks like I was up against some serious competition, just from the announcement of the honorable mentions.

I am going to use the grant to offset expenses to travel from Seattle up to Orcas and Whidbey Islands, and then southwest to Ocean Shores (during various times in February, March, and April 2010)  for research for the book.

Following up on my first set of personal tips and advice on saving money in a brutally dismal economy–which, for the artsy types that avoid 9-5, may last longer than the rest of y’all–is my spiel on saving money on food/grocery bills (which was the most requested topic via email). Remember, this is all from personal experience and some of this, I realize, may seem a bit extreme or–even, yes–wacko. YMMV.

• The very best tip I can give you is to learn to cook. Not only that, learn to like to cook.  But, if your repertoire pretty much involves toast and boiling water for pasta, start by learning to cook, at least. Take out some basic cookbooks from the library or keep an eye out for free cooking classes at local Whole Foods (and places like that). Experiment–but not too much at first. Wait until you’ve made a few dishes following recipes exactly, with success, and you understand the basic chemistry of how foods cook and what tastes good with what.
• Play the grocery game. I’ve never played the Grocery Game, but I do know quite a few people who have. This works well, from what I am told, if you have a family to shop for. Essentially, the GG, for a few bucks a week, consolidates every special, coupon, and rebate for products you buy at major chain grocery stores. I’ve heard of people who use the GG to wind up with a $200 cart of groceries for less than $20 out the door.
• Do what everyone else tell you: clip coupons, shop the perimeter of the store (avoiding frozen and packaged foods), plan meals in advance, don’t shop hungry, etc. You can find articles on this everywhere. It’s all usually good advice.
• Build up your basics pantry. Your basics pantry are the ingredients (aside from spices) you use often and can combine to make other things. In our house, our basics pantry includes eggs, flour, butter, milk, canned black beans, canned tomatoes, sugar, and unsweetened baking chocolate. If we have these ingredients, I can usually use them–along with whatever else we happen to have–to make some sort of meal. Your basics pantry will probably contain different things based on your taste. But once you’ve figured out what those are, always try and keep them on hand.
• The most extreme, but personally interesting  tip is to go freegatarian. That’s right. Freegatarian. Also known as freeganism, freegatarians try and, well, salvage all the good stuff that would be, otherwise, thrown away. Tons of food are simply tossed because they’ve passed their aesthetic prime–rather than because they’ve become inconsumable. Finding food that would otherwise go to waste is remarkably easy. Sometimes you can ask the folks that work at restaurants and grocery stores, although that usually only flies at Trader Joes and organic markets (they are the most receptive). There’s also lots of info on the internet from other freegatarians who are very generous with sharing their intelligence about where to find things (including where and when to visit the alley behind Theo Chocolates or Top Pot Donuts, yum).  The most challenging and fun thing about freeganism is that you have to be open to happy surprises, coming home with 3 pounds of slightly bruised gala apples one day (pie!) or packages of just wilting fresh herbs the next (which can be air dried for later use*. If you have a good basics pantry, you can usually figure out something to make with your prize (Allrecipes.com has a lovely search feature where you can search by ingredient for recipe ideas).
• Get a garden or a P-Patch and grow your own food. Last summer was my first year doing this and I am so excited to do this again. I didn’t plant some things early enough and I lost all my pumpkins to blight, but we had fresh herbs, garlic, peppers and chard all summer (and well into fall). This next season, I’m going to add more tomatoes and do strawberries (which do well in the PNW summers). Getting started can take a small investment, but I used mostly found containers (lots of coffee cans) and have been keeping a compost bin (we go through coffee like madpeople and coffee grounds make for excellent compost), so my only expense will be some fresh soil and seeds–and really, if I had my crap together, I’d get in on all the seed swaps that happen both locally and on the internet to get a good seed store together for even less money.
• And finally, scavenge your neighborhood. You’d be shocked at the food that grows wild and local all over the place. Within one block in my neighborhood, there’s a field filled with dandelion greens and at least 3 lots where blackberries take over**. I keep my husband in blackberry pie all season that way, and nothing beats fresh berries that are twice the size of what you find at the market. Also, look for neighbors who have more bounty than they can handle (and ask before taking). Our neighbor has a fig tree that always bears more than she could ever hope to eat…so, voila. Fresh mission figs for us.

 
*For those of you in the back row freaking out about “dirty” food, freegatarians wash their finds. Wash them well–just like you should be doing even if you buy your food at Safeway. Think for a second how many people fondle each piece of produce in the grocery store before you get it home.
**Again, a good wash/rinse and they are just fine. Delicious.

Just wanted to share a quick and potentially amazing place I just happened to find during my nightly “avoiding doing work” internet jags—the Seattle Free School. This jives really nicely with the second blog post I’ve been tinkering at, on saving monies: part deux.
Anyway, free classes. On interesting stuff. Really. I just signed up for a hot process soap making course on December 3rd. There’s also a Russian cooking class I’m eyeballing.
Did I mention the classes are free?

All around me, the economy is showing. Friends and family are eating up their savings cushions. Writers and editors I know are in low level panic. Etc. Etc.

I was laid off from my last full time gig two months ago, but really, I haven’t worked a day job with any regularity since I went to Clarion West in summer 08. My husband, Chris, an artist, has recently returned to school to upgrade his day job skills. Having been raised poor myself, and living in a house of two relatively creative people, we’ve managed, thus far, to continue living.

I usually speak in broad strokes here in this blog, but I’m starting to feel obligated to try and share some of the tips and tricks we use here in the Gussoff-Sumption camp to stay afloat (and by afloat, I mean bobbing around the surface getting occasional gasps of air, not racing across in a honking and luxurious yacht. These are not get rich tips. These are staying fed and clothed tips with the electricity on).

Today, I’ll share three internet sites that have helped us get by. If these are interesting to you and seem helpful, let me know by commenting or by sending me an email. I’m happy to go on to cover keeping your fridge filled, scaring up health care, and so forth, if folks are interested.

–Go to the content mills, or “work for hire.” There’s always a lot of poorly paying gigs out there. Suck it up and take one. You won’t be writing art. So what? Use a pen name if it bothers you (I don’t, but really, do people care? Half the time my content mill articles don’t give bylines, and when they do, whatever). A place I have direct experience with is Demand Studios (who’ve gotten a lot of mixed press lately). The pay is relatively low, but the articles can be, well, interesting (I’ve written articles on making chicken manure tea, using Hoyer lifts, making plaid pants for punks, knitting hats, using Suboxone, getting diagnosed with psoriasis…) and once you get the hang of what they want, you can make 30 bucks an hour. They pay twice a week, they pay on time, and they will now be offering health insurance (!!!!!!!) for freelancers who average 30 articles/month for more than 3 consecutive months. The application process is straightforward. The work is steady. I’ve worked with them on and off for 2 years, and they’ve never screwed me. They’re honest about what they want, how they want it, and when they want it. Right now, they are my main source of income. If you’re a broke writer or editor, I can’t encourage you strongly enough to go apply already.

–Low paying content mill jobs require lots of internet searches. Get free stuff to treat yourself with while you have to search anyway. There are lots of “reward” sites out there (they seem to come and go), but the one I use right now is swagbucks (which has been around for awhile). I really don’t ever promote this kind of stuff, but swagbucks is easy and free.
You use their search engine (which uses Google, only with more sponsored links) and you earn “swagbucks” which you can then trade in for a variety of stuff–most notably and interestingly, Amazon gift cards. The prizes are real and actually show up, the site is legit, and they don’t spam you. The search results are pretty diluted, so reserve your serious searches for Google straight up. But for causal searching, you may as well get free stuff. In fact, I’m pretty close to getting a $50 Amazon gift card, which will be one of my husband’s holiday gifts. If you sign up, I’d appreciate you using my referral link, but you don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable.

–Join Freecycle. I’ve gotten great stuff from local folks who were trying to declutter, including the office chairs Chris and I are sitting on right now and a breadmaker that I use at least once a week. I’ve been able to give people stuff we didn’t need, including an extra toaster, a bathroom scale, and a gigantic sack of yarn scraps–all to folks that can use them. It’s awesome. Really. Not just because it kept the stuff out of landfills, but because, hey, you know, free stuff we/they needed. There’s a Freecycle group in just about every metropolitan area and most have email lists or newsletters that list stuff people are looking for or are giving away.

A super sweet one line review of my mini space opera in BIG OTHER : “Caren Gussoff offers a fine cyberpunk junket in her story “Correspondence.” ” Thanks, John Madera! I love the word “junket.”

I’ve been having a lot of fun lately guest blogging for Jeff VanderMeer while he is on tour. It’s especially cool because the other guest bloggers are so brilliant that they make me seem much smarter just by posting near them.

Also, in odd news, I’ve become one of the Seattle Literary Scene Examiners for Examiner.com. Kind of a random and strange little gig, but becoming pretty awesome. I’m keeping up with this stuff because it’s uh, my life, so I may as well grow some discipline and write about it. I can see wicked potential to pimp my friends and loved ones in here (because you people do such really cool things, anyway). I’m planning on spotlighting Seattle writers and editors weekly, so drop me a line if you are interested in being featured (caren at spitkitten dot com).

I’ve had a crazy week, crazier weekend–both crazy good. I started a day job as a community management consultant for Projectline, who recently made the list of Washington’s 100 Best Companies to Work for (by Seattle Business Magazine)! That’s been a bit all-consuming, but pleasantly exciting. My co-workers are very smart, engaged, and interesting people, the work is going to be challenging, the best of what I could hope for, really. I feel super lucky for finding this gig, especially in such an unlikely economy.
Friday was the combo Locus Awards/Clarion West party in honor of John Kessel, who just finished teaching week one. I went to Kessel’s reading at the University Bookstore Tuesday night, and was too awestruck to introduce myself–I am the hugest John Kessel fan in creation. Seriously. When I was writing lit fic, banging my head against walls, I read Kessel’s story “Buddha Nostril Bird,” which singlehandedly made me reconsider genre (I grew up a fan, as most of you know/guess, but somehow never thought, for some idiot reason, I could do serious literary work in SFF. Dumb). But that story led me to seek out more of his work, which got me reading again in the genre, which was the kick in the head that I needed. Anyway, Kessel = ROCK STAR in my head, so Friday, pal Todd Vandemark (a current CW student and author of this week’s excellent Brain Harvest story) introduced me and I managed to effuse without creeping him out. I even got to buy him a drink.
Saturday was the Locus Awards/Science Fiction Hall of Fame Induction. So.many.writers.and.artists. Got John Kessel and Nancy Kress to sign battered copies of their books for me, then walked around and just goggled at people with my CW fam (Maggie Croft, Chris Reynega, Carlton Mellick III, Rose O’Keefe and friends were up for the event). I even talked to quite a few other people, including Elizabeth Bear, who is super funny and really nice, and got a signed print for my Chris from Michael Whelan (who was also very, very, very nice!).
I was publicly shamed for not wearing a Hawaiian shirt, as required, but was sufficiently penitent, so I think Connie Willis (my teacher, my heroine, and now, 2009 SF Hall of Fame-r) forgave me.
Is your head swimming yet? Mine is.
Sunday, I missed the Pride parade, but did have a pho breakfast with Chris and Maggie before they took off back to the Bay Area. Then, seriously, I can’t remember anything else I managed to do, of any note, aside from watch a bit of “Ninja Warrior” with husband, have a Brain Harvest editorial meeting, and eat ice cream for dinner—one of the few truly awesome things about being an adult—I mean, if I have to deal with gravity and taxes, then I should treasure my ice cream dinners.
Now the week turns back on itself and I am at my day job again. Tonight—CW writeathon writing time—tomorrow, the Karen Joy Fowler reading at the University Bookstore (7pm, free!). Come! I’ve never seen her read, but I have heard piles and piles of great stuff about her.

My natural impatience is showing, these days, like a slip I just can’t keep from sliding down. I feel like the universe set me and mine on some sort of divergent path last year, in fact, right about this time–beginning with the apartment fire (still traumatized), then Clarion West (the summer heat is making me wistful for my comrades), then the drunk driver totaling our car, then personal stuff with Chris, then unemployment, then continued unemployment, then, then, then. It’s been an intense learning experience, as times of extended crisis should be, and I feel like we are getting close to the end of it, to a new beginning. But we aren’t there yet and it’s stressing me right the fuck out.

So, please excuse my occasional bouts of radio silence. It’s better for us all, otherwise you’d have to read pages and pages of me agonizing over why.things.don’t.move.faster.because.I.want.them.to and other assorted control issues and irritations.

In other news, and there’s a bunch:
1. My short-short-short, “The Ghost of Henry’s Past” is a finalist in Fantasy Magazine‘s May Madness Micro-Fiction Contest. Winner is by reader poll, so I would sure love it if you would go read it, and if you like it, vote for me (and 2 other favorites here). Go on. I’ll sit here while you do.
2. There’s a lot going on at Brain Harvest. If you haven’t read this week’s story, “Snake Eyes,” by Kevin Bishop, go now. I’ll wait again.
You should also vote (more democracy in action!) to choose which story, published in May, will be read by our voice talent for our first ever mini-podcast.
And! Visit the site tomorrow to get all the details on Brain Harvest’s first ever fiction contest. Cash prizes! Celebrity judge! Fame, fortune, adulation, envy!
3. Finally, I sure would love it if you rifled beneath your couch cushions and sponsored me as a writer in the 2009 Clarion West Writeathon. The money goes to keeping the workshop alive, as well as to pay instructors, help students with scholarships, and all kinds of really good causes. I’ve pledged to write a new story each week of the workshop, and to send a special “e-book” of all the raw, ugly, unfinished drafts to all who sponsor me (so be sure and email me and let me know you’ve sponsored).