So, Brain Harvest is just about a month old (and this week, we have an excellent 100 word piece by Daria Patrie on the dangers of celery salt).

And I have to tell you, editing is a great writing education. Already, I have learned much about the submission process, and I would like to share what I know now with you. Be aware, though, that this is all from my experience. Some editors may differ or disagree (although never on rule #1), but I think that I’ve managed to compile some pretty general points that will hold true against a wide continuum of literary magazines and journals.

I hope it’s helpful.

What I have learned reading slush:
1. For the love of cheese, READ and OBEY the submission guidelines. This is the single most important piece of advice I can offer. It also seems the most obvious and intuitive, but I can tell you right now that this is not the case. Read and obey the guidelines—this means word count limit, manuscript formatting and type of document, whether they accept electronic or snail mailed submissions, want a cover letter, and the like.
2. This piggy-backs on rule #1, but bears repetition: if you think you are a special case, you probably aren’t (I know your mother will disagree, but she loves you, and the editor of a magazine probably doesn’t know you like she does). Or rather, you may be a special case—yes, you may have a poem that would make a fiction journal consider lifting their poetry ban—but chances are, if you disregard a magazine’s submissions guidelines because you are sure you are that special, here is the most likely scenario: form rejectionville, population: you. Getting discovered a la Lana Turner is less likely, and your chances proportionally go down with how annoyed you make the editor or slush wrangler.
3. Do not argue with the editor because you broke rule #1–even if their guidelines seem “stupid,” “inefficient,” or “a pain in the ass.” If they want an RTF file, like we do at Brain Harvest, send them an RTF file. Don’t reply back that the PDF file you sent should work for them, as one author did in our slush pile. Really. It won’t get you anywhere. Except, perhaps, the likely scenario mentioned in rule #2.
4. Do not insult the magazine you are submitting to in your cover letter.
5. Do not insult the editor of the magazine in your cover letter.
6. If the editors have made their names public and you choose to use them in your cover letter, spell them correctly. Incorrect spellings won’t get you rejected, but they won’t win you any brownie points either.
7. In fact, unless the guidelines specifically ask for different information, here is what you should put in a cover letter: Hello, editor,
I have enclosed/attached my XXX word story, TITLE.”
I have been published in Blah, Blah, and Blah.
Thank you for your time,
NAME
CONTACT INFORMATION
That’s it. That’s all you need. Seriously.
8. Being overfriendly is almost as weird as being rude in a cover letter. Seriously. Calling the editor by pet names or referring to their looks is creepy.
9. Did I mention reading and obeying the guidelines?
10. This line, while usually meant well, is almost always a bad idea: “I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.” This is because I, too, am a writer, and my personal experience is that everything I have ever enjoyed writing personally was always really, really bad. If you have more fun than I do—that’s great. But telling me is going to make me suspicious when I first start reading.
11. Ditto rule #10 on this line (or any variation): “You will be so pleased to discover my genius.”
12. Unless specifically asked for, resumes or photos of your family are probably unnecessary when submitting to a magazine.
13. If you think your piece needs a fancy font or colors to work, it doesn’t. It probably needs to be revised.
14. Do not ask for feedback on rejected stories, unless you mean it. You probably won’t get any, but if you do, it was because the editor was being generous. Read it as such. It may be brief or curt, but feedback is precious.
15. Never assume that you have the right to feedback on a rejected piece. You are subbing to a magazine, not a crit group. Demanding to know the reasons you’ve been rejected will probably warrant the following scenario: your request gets deleted or trashed and any further subs will be viewed with less objectivity, unconsciously or otherwise.
16. Do a good faith pass over your email/letter before you send. For emailed subs, make sure you’ve attached the correct file—or even have attached your file at all.
17. Onto the good stuff: if an editor asks for more, another, or a rewrite—they are not just being nice. They mean it. Really. Follow up and do it.
18. If an editor asks for more, another, or a rewrite, it’s OK to state that in your cover letter to jog their memory. At least, I appreciate it when a writer does that.
19. Editors want to find good stuff. It’s a very real pleasure to buy out of the slush pile. Just make it easy and painless for me to read your stuff by following, at least, rule #1.
20. Sometimes, it just isn’t you. It’s them. It’s us. Honestly. At Brain Harvest, we turn down a lot of fiction that is really good. It just isn’t our taste, doesn’t quite fit the vision of what we want to buy right now, or for some reason, just didn’t stand hearty enough against other things we also liked—but certainly not because it was bad, the writer untalented, or anything like that. Now that I have been on the other side, I try and keep this in mind when I get a rejection because now I know how very true it is. The best thing you can do is to send it out again, somewhere else. Keep going. Chip away.